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Number  Three. 


I    AM    AFRAID 


THERE  IS  A  GOD! 


FOUNDED  ON  FACT. 


PUBLISHED   BY    FORD    AND    DAMRELL, 

HPERANCE    PRESS,  WILSON'S     LANE. 


1833' 


Number  Three. 

I    AM    AFRAID 
THERE  IS  A  GOD! 

FOUNDED    ON   FACT. 


Third  Edition. 


PUBLISHED   BY   FORD   AND   DAMRELL, 

TEMPERANCE    PRESS,    WILSON'S    LAKE. 

1833. 


Entered  according  to  Act  of  Congress,  in  the  year  1833,  by 

FORD    AND    DAMRELL, 
IH  the  Clerk's  Office  of  the  District  Court  of  Massachusetts. 


TO    THE    READER. 

FOR  an  unbeliever  in  the  doctrines  of  revelation, 
we  can  pray,  that  God  would  help  his  unbelie£ 
For  an  unbeliever  in  the  existence  of  a  God,  we 
can  scarcely  frame  wrords,  in  the  form  of  a  suit 
able  petition.  We  shudder  at  our  own  presump 
tion,  as  we  approach  the  mercy-seat. 

A  Deist  or  an  Atheist,  in  former  days,  might 
nave  been  occasionally  found,  in  our  cities,  wan 
dering  and  alone;  his  hand,  like  the  hand  oflsh- 
mael,  against  every  man,  and  every  man's  hand 
against  him. 

It  is  not  so,  at  the  present  time.  Infidelity  and 
Atheism  plant  their  standard  in  the  veiy  heart 
of  our  metropolis.  Yet,  in  the  words  of  our  Deo- 
laration  of  Rights,  "It  is  the  right  as  well  as  the 
duty  of  all  men  in  society,  publicly,  and  at  stated 
seasons,  to  worship  the  SUPREME  BEING,  the  great 
Creator  and  Preserver  of  the  universe." 

For  the  miserable  individual,  who  disbeliefs*, 


/*? 


ir 

all  by  himself,  and  troubles  not  the  world  with 
the  account  of  those  crooked  paths  and  painful 
processes,  by  which  he  descends  into  those  awful 
depths,  where  he  lies  forlorn  ;  for  him  we  have 
no  other  feeling,  than  that  of  commiseration. 

For  the  abandoned  wretch,  who  dares,  in  the 
most  open  and  audacious  manner,  to  lay  his  un 
hallowed  hands  upon  the  book  of  God, — not  to 
expound  the  scripture,  but  to  prove  the  word  of 
God  to  be  a  lie  ; — who  can  teach  nothing,  because 
he  knows  nothing ; — who  gathers  around  him  a 
group  of  both  sexes  and  all  ages,  and  endeavors  to 
prepare  them  for  a  career  of  infamy,  by  rending 
away,  one  after  another,  the  posts  and  pillars, 
upon  which  the  social  compact  is  sustained ; — 
who  would  take  away  the  hope,  that  makes  the 
humble  Christian  happy,  and  leave  him  nothing 
but  mourning,  in  his  dying  hour,  for  the  oil  of 
joy;  who  vends  books,  indecent  and  abomina 
ble  in  their  character,  and  wilfully  wicked  in  their 
design ;  for  such  a  corrupt  and  profligate  scoun 
drel  as  this,  we  have  no  other  feeling  than  a  sen? 
timent  of  unmeasured  and  unmingled  abhorrence. 

Can  it  be  believed,  that  a  wretch,  sa  depraved, 


can  be  found  upon  the  earth,  who  will  dare  to 
show  his  contempt  for  God's  holy  word,  by  hurling 
the  sacred  book  across  the  room,  in  a  public  as 
sembly  of  males  and  females ! Such  is  the  fact. 

We  leave  the  reflections  to  those,  who  well  know 
what  offences  are  punishable  by  indictment  at 
common  law,  and  to  those  who  desire  not  to  leave 
their  official  duties  unperformed. 

The  murderer,  the  thief,  the  corrupter  of  inno 
cence,  the  advocate  of  "liberal"  principles,  the 
consistent  villain,  who  shudders  at  nothing  but 
the  imputation  of  hypocrisy,  who  admits  the 
charge  of  seduction,  but  defies  the  world  to  show, 
that  he-ever  laid  claim  to  superior  sanctity,  these 
arid  their  confederates,  who  are  the  main  pillars  of 
infidel  societies,  are  seldom  cold  water  men.  The 
stimulus  of  intoxication  impels  its  youthful  votary 
to  the  gaming  house  or  the  brothel ;  and  then,  to  re 
lieve  the  conscience,  yet  unseared,  of  its  oppressive 
load,  it  conducts  him  to  the  schools  of  infidelity ; 
where  he  is  happy  to  be  told,  and  struggles  to  be 
lieve,  that  no  crime,  however  atrocious,  can  entail 
upon  its  perpetrator  any  punishment,  beyond  the 
grave ;  that  "  the  judgment "  shall  never  come ; 


vi 

Mid  that  the  ideas  of  a  God  and  of  a  future  state 
are  perfectly  absurd.  Schools  of  infidelity  are  ob 
viously  the  preparatory  houses  for  every  variety  of 
crime  ;  and  the  offender,  stained  with  crime,  and 
trembling  with  alarm,  flies  back  for  absolution  ;  and 
is  comforted,  while  he  listens  to  the  proclamation 
of  a  miserable  being,  who  is  probably  remarkable 
for  nothing,  but  his  ignorance  and  his  audacity,  that 
there  is  no  God. 

Life  is  passing  like  a  dream.  The  grave  ere  long 
will  demand  its  tribute.  No  human  being  can  de 
monstrate,  that  there  is  NOT  a  God ;  and  the  last 
hour  of  the  infidel  may  bring  with  it  an  age  of 
agony  ;  and  his  soul  may  be  filled  with  the  tremen 
dous  apprehension,  that  there  is  1 


I    AM    AFRAID 


THERE    IS    A    GOD! 


MY  father  was  a  respectable  mechanic  ia 
the  town  of .  On  the  subject  of  re 
ligion  there  existed  the  most  perfect  unanimi 
ty  between  my  father  and  my  mother ;  and 
their  whole  lives  were  ample  illustrations  of 
their  confidence  in  the  promises  of  God,  and 
of  their  firm  and  sustaining  belief  in  the  pre 
cepts  and  doctrines  of  Christianity.  My  par 
ents  were  bofh  members  of  the  Temperance 
Society,  and  earnest  promoters  of  the  cause, 
to  the  extent  of  their  limited  influence  and 
ability. 

They  were  the  parents  of  three  children, 
Absalom,  Bethiah,  and  myself.  At  the  age  of 
forty-five,  I  look  back  upon  their  simple  man- 


8  I    AM    AFRAID  74 

ners  and  consistent  piety,  with  a  feeling  of 

affectionate  respect.     The  village  of 

which  was  our  place  of  residence,  retains  its 
primitive  simplicity,  such  as  it  was,  some  forty 
years  ago,  in  a  degree  beyond  almost  any  vil 
lage  in  the  commonwealth  :  not  because  it  is 
situated,  at  a  very  remote  distance  from  the 
metropolis,  for  such  is  not  the  fact;  but  its 
water  privileges  have  not  yet  attracted  the 
serious  attention  of  the  manufacturer ;  it  lies 
abroad  from  all  the  routes  of  existing  canals 
and  contemplated  railways  ;  it  has  not  been  so 
fortunate  as  to  become  the  residence  of  any 
man  of  fortune,  retired  from  the  bustle  of  the 
world ;  and  it  has  never  given  birth  to  any 
more  distinguished  personage,  than  General 
Driver,  who  keeps  the  public  house ;  is  chair 
man  of  the  selectmen ;  commands  the  mili 
tia;  and  represents  the  town  in  the  General 
Court. 

The  village  pound,  and  the  old  gunhouse,  with 
its  red  doors  and  weather  beaten  flagstaff,  are 
just  where  they  were,  when  I  used  to  gather 
to  the  spot,  with  all  the  children  of  the  village, 


75  THERE    IS    A    GOD  !  9 

to  see  Washington  and  Adams  dragged  forth 
upon  the  common,  on  the  fourth  of  July  ;  for 
such  were  the  titles  of  two  brass  four  pounders,- 
intrusted  to  the  care  of  Captain  Solomon 
Dow.  The  Reverend  Mr.  Cooley  is  still  the 
parson  of  the  parish;  and,  although  a  new 
generation  has  sprung  up,  since  the  days  of  my 
boyhood,  there  is  enough  remaining  of  all,  that 
once  was,  to  enable  the  memory  to  play  the 
architect  adroitly,  and  rebuild  the  edifice,  with 
all  its  parts  and  proportions,  within  and  without. 
Even  of  the  pulpit  cushion,  upon  which  the  good 
man  has  administered,  for  forty  years,  there 
is  enough  remaining  to  settle  the  question  of 
identity.  The  young  women  enter  the  meeting 
house,  with  sprigs  of  fennel,  and  the  boys,  with 
pond  lilies  in  their  hands  ;  old  Caleb  Kidder  sits 
in  the  singers'  seat,  with  his  pitch  pipe,  just 
where  he  used  to  sit;  and  Madam  Moody,  at 
the  age  of  eighty,  in  her  old  brocade,  occupies 
the  same  seat,  in  the  broad  aisle,  on  the  right, 
as  you  enter,  which  she  occupied  full  forty 
years  ago. 

It  has   pleased   God   to  bless   me,  in  my 


10  I    AM    AFRAID  70 

basket  and  my  store  ;  and  I  never  feel  so  grate 
ful,  for  the  bounties  of  Providence,  as  when  I 
reflect,  that  they  have  enabled  me  to  succor 
and  sustain  my  honored  parents,  in  their  dark 
days,  and  to  repay  them,  in  some  measure,  for 
all  their  kindness ;  which  I  never  fully  appre 
ciated,  till  I  became  a  parent  myself.  They 
still  live  in  the  old  cottage  ;  and,  after  many 
afflictions,  from  a  quarter,  whence  they  had 
anticipated  nothing  but  rays  of  comfort,  in 
their  latter  days,  they  present  a  pattern  of 
Christian  resignation  to  God's  holy  will. 

My  parents,  as  1  have  stated,  were  pious 
people.  They  were  in  the  practice  of  morn 
ing  and  evening  devotion.  My  father  never 
omitted  it,  unless  he  was  prevented  by  sick 
ness  ;  and,  however  pressed  for  time,  he  never 
departed  from  a  slow  and  reverential  manner 
of  performing  it.  "  Whatever  business  may 
be  delayed, "  he  used  sometimes  to  say,  "  the 
Lord's  work  should  never  be  hurried."  Not 
withstanding  the  daily  precept  arid  example  of 
this  worthy  couple,  they  were  called  to  a  bitter 
trial.  The  wall  of  strength,  which  they  had 


77  THERE    IS    A    GOD  !  11 

endeavored  to  build  round  about  them,  the 
safeguard  of  religion,  which  they  had  raised  for 
the  protection  of  their  lambs,  was  not  sufficient 
for  them  all : — the  wolf  leapt  into  the  fold,  and 
snatched  one  from  their  grasp — they  were  the 
parents  of  a  DRUNKARD  and  an  INFIDEL  ! 

I  have  often  thought,  that  the  simple  narra 
tive  of  their  blasted  hopes  would  furnish  ma 
terials,  for  an  interesting  tale. 

Upon  a  Saturday  morning,  in  the  month  of 
June,  18 — ,  a  young  gentleman,  of  very  genteel 
appearance,  arrived  with  a  fine  horse  and  stylish 
gig,  at  the  door  of  Driver's  tavern  ;  and,  deliv 
ering  his  equipage  to  the  hostler,  requested  ac 
commodations,  for  a  day  or  two,  during  his  stay 
in  the  village.  It  was  soon  rumored  about, 
that  the  stranger  was  no  less  a  personage,  than 
Mr.  Bobb,  active  partner  in  the  firm  of  Bobb 
and  Binnacle.  There  could  be  no  reasonable 
doubt  upon  the  subject,  for  he  had  communi 
cated  the  information  himself,  before  he  had 
been  an  hour  in  the  village,  to  the  hostler  and 
the  barkeeper;  incidentally  dropping  a  hint, 
now  and  then,  of  their  extensive  operations, 


12  I    AM    AFRAID  78 

and  very  considerable  interest,  in  various  manu 
facturing  establishments.  The  manufacturing 
fever  was,  at  this  period,  approaching  that  re 
markable  crisis,  after  which  so  many  subjects 
were  reduced  to  a  condition  of  weakness,  from 
which  they  have  not  entirely  recovered,  at  the 
present  day.  The  mania  had  not  actually  ex 
tended  to  our  village ;  but  the  proprietors  of 
land,  bounding  on  the  river,  evidently  consider 
ed  their  estates  of  greater  importance.  The 
value  of  water  privileges,  the  law  of  flowage, 
and  the  prodigious  profits  of  manufacturers 
became  topics  of  frequent  conversation  at  the 
tayern  and  the  grocery.  Squire  Gookin  open 
ly  and  frequently  avowed,  that  he  would  not 
sell  his  meadow  lot,  above  the  red  bridge,  for 
six  times  the  sum  it  cost  him ;  and  he  has 
faithfully  kept  his  word,  to  the  present  day. 

Mr.  Bobb  had  scarcely  refreshed  himself 
and  his  apparel,  after  a  dusty  drive,  with  a 
basin  of  pure  water  and  a  clothes  brush,  before 
he  inquired  of  General  Driver,  who  was  stir 
ring  up  toddy  for  the  selectmen,  who  were  in 
session  at  the  inn,  whether  there  were  not 


79  THERE    IS    A    GOD  !  13 

some  good  privileges  on  the  river,  that  might 
be  bought  up,  on  speculation.  The  General 
mentioned  Squire  Gookin's,  and  two  or  three 
others.  He  offered  the  services  of  his  son,  to 
show  Mr.  Bobb  the  locations ;  and  apologized 
for  not  being  able  to  go  himself;  but  it  was 
ha}7 ing  time,  and  the  press  for  toddy  was  so 
great,  that  he  could  not  leave. 

While  this  conversation  was  going  on,  Enoch 
Smith,  who  went,  I  remember,  by  the  name 
of  Skyrocket  Enoch,  because  his  stories  flew 
so  swiftly,  and  ended  so  frequently  in  smoke ; 
Enoch,  who  had  listened  attentively  to  the 
conversation,  lost  no  time  in  repairing  to  Squire 
Gookin's,  and  assuring  him,  that  a  gentleman 
of  great  wealth  had  come  from  the  city,  on 
purpose  to  buy  his  water  privilege.  Shortly 
after,  Mr.  Bobb  and  the  General's  son  were 
seen  going  in  the  direction  of  the  river ;  and  it 
was  rather  amusing  to  observe  the  Squire 
carefully  watching  their  operations,  from  be 
hind  his  corn-barn. 

On  Sabbath  morning,  Mr.  Bobb  was  usher 
ed  into  General  Driver's  pew,  by  no  less  a 


14  I    AM    AFRAID  80 

personage  than  the  General  himself ;  and  it 
was  universally  agreed,  that  a  prettier  man 
never  walked  up  the  broad  aisle,  than  Mr. 
Bobb.  Katy  Cummings^who  was  too  much 
of  a  wag,  ever  to  get  a  husband,  admitted  that 
he  had  disturbed  her  devotions,  and  that  she 
should  have  set  her  cap  for  him,  if  he  had  not 
appeared  to  take  so  much  comfort  in  his  whis 
kers.  One  young  woman  obviously  attracted 
the  stranger's  attention,  in  an  extraordinary  de 
gree  ;  decidedly  the  prettiest  girl  in  the  parish  ; 
no  other  than  my  sister,  Be.thiah.  In  the 
afternoon,  the  constant  direction  of  his  eyes 
towards  my  father's  pew  became  so  very  par 
ticular,  as  to  attract  the  notice,  and  provoke 
the  smiles  of  more  than  one  of  Mr.  Cooley's 
congregation ;  and,  in  the  evening,  young  Mr. 
Driver  conceived  himself  authorized,  by  his 
intimacy  with  our  family,  to  introduce  Mr. 
Bobb  to  our  acquaintance.  He  was  evidently 
desirous  of  making  himself  agreeable,  and  he 
certainly  succeeded.  It  was  apparent  to  me, 
from  the  very  first  moment  of  his  introduction, 
that  Bethiah  was  not  at  all  deficient  in  that 


81  THERE    IS    A    GOD  !  15 

mother  wit,  which  enables  a  young  woman  to 
divine,  if  a  gentleman's  visit  be  intended  for  her 
self;  and  1  was  not  less  assured,  in  my  own  mind, 
that  she  was  pleased,  that  it  should  be.  His 
desire  to  ingratiate  himself  with  every  member 
of  our  family  rendered  his  manners  extremely 
respectful  and  modest ;  and  we  heard  little  of 
the  extensive  operations  01  Bobb  and  Binnacle. 
He  repeated  his  visit,  upon  the  following  day  ; 
and,  whatever  might  have  been  the  measure 
of  his  original  interest  in  manufacturing  specu 
lations,  it  soon  became  apparent,  that  he  had 
lost  all  recollection  of  Squire  Gookin  and 
his  water  privileges,  in  a  subject  of  a  more 
absorbing  nature. 

His  visit  in  the  village  was  extended  beyond 
the  period,  which  he  had  assigned  for  his 
departure ;  and  he  was  finally  summoned 
away,  by  a  letter  from  Mr.  Binnacle,  inform 
ing  him  of  an  unexpected  pressure  in  the 
money  market.  His  attentions  to  my  sister 
were  very  particular ;  and  the  manner,  in 
which  those  attentions  were  received,  left  no 
doubt  of  the  favorable  impression,  which  had 


16  I    AM   AFRAID  82 

been  made  upon  her  mind,  perhaps  upon  her 
heart.  The  possibility  of  such  a  consequence 
had  occurred  to  both  my  parents.  Bethiah 
was  an  excellent  girl,  but  her  mind  was  not 
altogether  free  from  a  romantic  bias.  My 
father  thought  proper  to  converse  with  her, 
upon  the  danger  of  indulging  any  other  feel 
ings,  than  those  of  good  will,  towards  an  indi 
vidual,  of  whom  she  knew  so  little,  as  of  this 
agreeable  stranger. — "  Dear  father,"  said  she, 
bursting  into  tears,  "  we  are  engaged,  provided 
you  and  mother  will  give  your  consent,  and  I 
am  sure  you  will  not  refuse  it,  when  you  come 
to  know  Mr.  Bobb,  as  well  as  I  do." — "  Gra 
cious  heaven!"  cried  her  astonished  father, 
"  engaged ! — know  him  as  well  as  you  do ! — my 
child,  you  are  but  seventeen  years  of  age,  and 
you  have  seen  this  young  man  every  day,  for 
a  week  ;  what  can  you  know  of  him  ?  " — 
"  Dear  father,"  replied  this  infatuated  girl,  "  I 
know  every  thing ;  he  has  told  me  all  about 
his  family,  and  his  situation  in  life.  His  part 
ner,  Mr.  Binnacle,  is  a  retired  sea  captain,  of 
handsome  property.  He  knows  little  or  noth- 


83  THERE    IS    A    GOD  !  17 

ing  of  the  business,  in  which  they  are  engaged, 
and  leaves  every  thing  to  the  management  of 
Mr.  Bobb." — "  Leaves  every  thing  to  the 
management  of  Mr.  Bobb ! "  exclaimed  my 
father,  in  a  tone  almost  of  derision.  "  Bethiah, 
as  you  respect  my  paternal  authority,  and 
value  my  happiness  and  your  own,  proceed  no 
farther  in  this  rash  business,  until  I  have  made 
such  inquiries  as  are  dictated  by  common 
prudence." 

My  poor  father  conferred  with  my  mother, 
as  a  matter  of  course ;  and  blamed  himself 
severely,  for  permitting  an  attractive  young 
man,  of  whom  he  knew  so  little,  to  jeopardize 
the  happiness  of  his  child.  "  Perhaps,"  said 
my  mother,  "  he  may  be  all  that  he  represents 
himself  to  be." — "It  may  be  so,"  said  my 
father,  "  but  I  will  suffer  the  matter  no  longer 
to  remain  in  uncertainty.  I  will  go,  to-mor 
row,  to  the  city ;  and  make  all  proper  inqui 
ries,  on  the  subject." — Without  disclosing  his 
intention  to  any  other  person,  he  set  forth,  at 
an  early  hour. 

Mr.  Bobb  had  left  behind  a  zealous  advo- 


18  I   AM   AFRAID  84 

cate,  in  my  brother  Absalom,  who  was  one 
year  younger  than  Bethiah.  Indeed  it  would 
be  difficult  to  say,  upon  which  of  the  two  this 
young  man  had  produced  the  more  favorable 
impression.  It  is  sometimes  amusing  to  con 
template  the  fantastical  grounds,  upon  which 
youthful  lovers  will  rest  a  conviction,  that  they 
are  destined,  by  heaven,  for  each  other.  Af 
ter  exhausting  all  other  arguments  upon  her 
mother,  in  justification  of  her  conduct,  Bethiah 
admitted,  that  she  had  been  greatly  surprised, 
and  perhaps  somewhat  influenced  in  her  feel 
ings,  by  discovering,  that  the  initials  of  Bethiah 
Atherton  Jennings,  when  reversed,  were  also 
the  initials  of  Julius  Augustus  Bobb. 

My  father  returned,  on  the  following  day. 
He  had  ascertained,  that  Bobb  and  Binnacla 
were  engaged,  to  some  extent,  in  the  manufac 
turing  business.  The  depths  of  that  ocean  of 
,  speculation  were,  at  that  time,  altogether  un 
fathomable.  But  my  father  evidently  inclined 
to  the  hopeful  side  of  the  problem.  He  had 
received  no  information  unfavorable  to  the 
moral  character  of  Mr.  Bobb.  He  was  es* 


85  THERE    18    A   GOD  !  19 

teemed  an  amiable  man,  by  his  acquaintances, 
and  perfectly  honorable  in  his  dealings.  His 
parents  had  been  free  livers,  and  died  just 
about  the  time,  when  they  had  run  through  a 
very  handsome  property.  My  father  was 
pained  to  hear,  that  this  young  man  had  prob 
ably  received  no  serious  impressions  on  the 
subject  of  religion,  in  his  youth ;  but  he  was 
gratified,  on  the  other  hand,  to  learn,  that  he 
was  a  member  of  the  temperance  society. 

There  are  matters  of  deeper  interest,  in 
which  it  is  desirable  to  engage  the  reader's 
attention ;  and  I  will  therefore  pass  over  this 
portion  of  our  family  history,  in  a  summary 
manner.  My  parents  smiled  upon  the  hopes 
of  their  daughter.  Bethiah,  in  due  time,  be 
came  the  wife  of  Mr.  Bobb,  and  went  to 
reside  in  the  city.  The  dawn  of  their  marri 
ed  life  was  as  bright  and  clear,  as  the  dawn  of 
an  April  day.  Would  to  heaven,  this  were 
the  only  point,  in  which  there  existed  a  resem 
blance  between  them.  They  had  not  been 
married  six  months,  before  a  re  port  was  circu 
lated  in  the  village,  that  Bobb  and  Binnacle 


20  I   AM    AFRAID  86 

had  failed.  This  report  was  readily  traced  to 
Skyrocket  Enoch,  who  had  returned  with  a 
wagon  from  the  city.  My  father  went  to 
examine  Enoch,  upon  the  subject,  who  stated, 
that  he  had  heard  of  a  manufacturing  firm, 
that  would  fail  shortly,  but  did  not  hear  their 
names  ;  he  guessed  it  must  be  Bobb  and  Bin 
nacle  ;  and  as  he  had  been  full  four  and  twenty 
hours  a  coming  up,  he  reckoned,  they  must 
have  failed,  by  the  time  he  arrived.  Our 
apprehensions  were  excited,  on  the  following 
day,  by  a  letter  from  Mr.  Bobb,  pressing  my 
father  to  come  down,  as  soon  as  possible. 
He  complied  with  this  request,  and  was  in 
formed,  that  there  was  not  the  least  cause  of 
alarm  ;  but  the  pressure  for  money  was  so 
great,  that  they  were  compelled  to  ask  his  as 
sistance.  They  were  in  want,  at  that  time,  of 
$7000,  and  could  obtain  it  of  the  Bank,  with 
his  endorsement.  It  was  rather  more  than 
all  my  father  was  worth  in  the  world,  but  the 
case  was  urgent.  He  put  his  name  upon  their 
paper;  the  $7000  were  swallowed  up  in  the 
whirlpool  of  their  complicated  concerns,  like  $ 


87  THERE    IS    A    GOD  !  21 

ship's  long  boat,  in  the  maelstrom  of  Norway. 
In  a  fortnight,  they  were  bankrupts,  stock  and 
fluke ;  and  my  father's  little  property,  the 
laborious  accumulation  of  many  years,  went 
before  the  torrent,  like  chaff  before  the  driving 
storm. 

If,  upon  such  an  occasion,  there  be  any  con 
solation,  and  undoubtedly  there  is,  in  universal 
and  respectful  sympathy,  my  poor,  old  father 
had  an  abundant  share  of  that  good  thing. 
The  creditors  were  very  considerate ;  they 
were  commercial  men,  in  whom  the  spirit  of 
trade  had  not  vanquished  the  spirit  of  com 
passion  and  humanity. 

My  father  surrendered  all  his  little  property, 
requesting  permission  to  retain  nothing  but  the 
tools  of  his  trade,  which  were  secured  to  him 
by  law,  and  the  old  family  bible  ;  but  the 
creditors  relinquished  their  claim  upon  his 
furniture,  and  he  gave  them  possession  of  his 
homestead,  which  was  sold  with  his  consent, 
subject  to  his  right  of  redemption,  under  the 
mortgage.  "  God's  will  be  done,"  said  he, 
as  he  locked  up  the  old  house,  for  the  last 


22  I    AM    AFRAID  88 

time,  preparatory  to  the  delivery  of  the  key 
to  the  new  proprietor. 

He  was  sixty-three  years  of  age,  when  he 
commenced  life  anew.  He  went  with  my 
mother,  who  bore  her  misfortunes  quite  as 
well  as  her  husband,  to  board  with  a  neighbor- 
in";  farmer,  a  portion  of  whose  barn  he  speedi 
ly  converted  into  a  temporary  work-shop ; 
and,  the  next  morning,  the  old  sign  of  "  DA 
VID  JENNINGS,  HOUSEWRIGHT,"  long  laid  by, 
and  which  had  been  familiar  to  the  villagers, 
for  thirty  years,  was  cleared  of  its  dust  and 
cobwebs,  and  placed  over  the  door. 

"Just  what  1  should  have  expected,"  said 
Parson  Cooley,  when  he  first  heard  of  it. 
"  David  Jennings  would  sooner  take  up  the 
implements  of  honest  industry,  than  add  to 
the  burthen  of  any  other  man."  The  next 
Sabbath  he  preached  an  excellent  sermon,  on 
resignation  under  afflictive  trials.  As  he  went 
home,  he  observed  to  his  wife,  "  Squire  Goo- 
kin  has  lost  a  few  sheep  of  the  rot,  and  his 
countenance  exhibited  the  deepest  distress, 
during  the  whole  time  I  was  preaching ;  while 


89  THERE    IS    A    GOD  !  23 

David  Jennings  and  his  wife,  who  have  lost  all 
they  have  in  the  world,  presented  the  happiest 
examples  I  have  ever  witnessed  of  cheerful 
submission  to  God's  holy  will." 

Almost  immediately  after  my  sister's  mar 
riage,  my  brother  Absalom,  agreeably  to  a  pre 
vious  arrangement,  went  to  the  city,  as  an 
under  clerk,  in  the  store  of  Bobb  and  Binna 
cle ;  and,  at  the  time  of  their  failure,  being  a 
young  man  of  good  abilities,  he  soon  found 
employment  in  another  establishment. 

From  my  early  youth,  I  had  a  partiality  for 
a  seafaring  life  ;  and  I  have  followed  the  pro 
fession,  ever  since  I  was  sixteen  years  old.  I 
had  doubled  that  age,  at  the  period  of  my  sis 
ter's  marriage,  and  arrived  from  Bombay,  just 
a  week  before  the  ceremony  took  place.  In 
about  six  weeks  afterward,  I  sailed  for  Calcut 
ta,  and  was  absent,  during  the  period  of  these 
calamities,  and,  indeed,  for  nearly  three  years, 
without  any  direct  intelligence  from  home.  1 
had  heard  a  rumor  of  the  failure,  but  nothing 
of  my  father's  misfortune. 

I  arrived  at  the  port  of  New  York,  in  May, 


24  I    AM    AFRAID  90 

18 — ,  and  taking  the  mail  stage,  reached  Wor 
cester,  the  nearest  town,  upon  the  route,  to  the 
village  when;  I  was  horn.  I  then  ohtained  a 
horse  and  e.haise,  and  cameto  the  old  homestead 
a  little  alter  midnight.  I  rapped  at  the  door, 
and,  after  a  short  interval,  the  window  was 
opened,  and  a  voice,  my  father's,  as  1  suppos 
ed,  for  it  was  raining  hard,  and  1  could  not 
perfectly  distinguish,  inquired  who  was  there. 
"  Don't  you  know  the  voice  of  your  own 
son  ?"  said  I.—"  Friend,"  replied  the  person 
at  the  window,  "  the  tavern  is  only  a  quarter 
of  a  mile  oil]  and,  if  you  are  in  your  right 
mind,  I  advise  you  to  find  your  way  to  it." — 
The  window  was  immediately  put  down,  hut 
not  till  I  was  satisfied,  that  the  voice  \\as  not 
the  voice  of  my  father. — I  have  heard  break 
ers  over  the  lee  bow,  in  a  darker  night;  hut 
never  did  the  blood  rush  so  violently  to  my 
head,  as  at  that  moment.  "  My  parents 
are  dead  then,"  said  I,  involuntarily,  as  I 
placed  my  hand  upon  rny  forehead. — At 
that  moment,  the  window  was  opened  again, 
and  I  heard  a  female  voice,  within  the  apart- 


01  THERE    IS    A    GOD  !  #> 

merit,  exclaiming  in  a  tone  of  earnestness, 
"  I  have  no  doubt  it  is  he;." — "  What  is  your 
name?  ?  "  said  the  man  at  the  window. — The 
heart  of  the  patriarch  was  not  more  full,  when 
he  put  the  cjuestion  to  his  hrelhren,  /  am 
Jb&ph)  doth  my  father  yd  liv<>(?  than  mine, 
when  I  put  a  similar  inquiry,  in  relation  to  my 
old  fat  I  Kir  arid  mother. — The  occupants  were 
soon  in  motion  ;  and,  the  door  was  opened  hy 
fanner  Weeks,  a  worthy  man,  who  proceeded 
to  rake  open  the  fire,  while  his  good  wife  be 
gan  to  prepare  some  refreshments.  They 
persuaded  me  to  remain,  till  daylight,  and  gave 
me  a  particular  account  of  my  father's  misfor 
tunes.  1  learned  also  from  them,  that  Hobb 
and  ISinnaclc  had  separated,  and  that  the  latter 
had  returned  to  his  old  profession.  Farmer 
Weeks  observed,  that  my  father  and  mother 
bore  uj),  under  the  loss  of  their  property, 
wonderfully  well ;  but  be  admitted,  that  some 
other  troubles,  within  the  last  two  years,  had 
made  a  deeper  impression  upon  their  minds. 
I  gathered  from  the  hints,  which  the  farmer 
dropped,  with  evident  reluctance,  tbat  their 


26  I    AM    AFRAID  92 

tmhappiness  was  caused  chiefly  by  the  miscon 
duct  of  my  brother  Absalom. 

As  soon  as  the  day  dawned,  I  proceeded  to 
the  house,  in  which  farmer  Weeks  informed  me 
my  parents  had  continued  to  reside,  since  their 
removal  from  the  cottage.  As  I  drew  near,  1 
observed  a  person  coming  from  the  door,  with 
a  broad  axe  over  his  shoulder,  and  a  carpen 
ter's  apron  :  his  quick  step,  for  a  moment, 
deceived  me  ;  but  a  second  glance  assured  me 
of  the  truth — it  was  my  old  father,  going  forth 
to  his  morning's  work.  He  knew  me,  in  an 
instant,  and  dropping  his  tools  upon  the  ground, 
threw  his  arms  about  my  neck,  and  wept  like 
a  child.  We  returned  together  to  the  house, 
My  poor  mother,  who  appeared  to  have  suffer 
ed  more,  in  her  bodily  health,  in  consequence 
of  her  domestic  affliction,  was  overjoyed  at  my 
return.  Even  the  kind  people,  where  my 
parents  resided,  appeared  to  think  themselves 
fairly  entitled  to  rejoice  with  those,  who  rejoic 
ed,  to  whom  they  had  given  the  surest  evi 
dence  of  their  sympathy  in  affliction. 

"  Poor  Bethiah?"  said  I,  as  soon  as  we  were 


93  THERE    IS    A    GOD  !  27 

left  to  ourselves,  "  what  is  her  situation,  and 
that  of  her  husband  ? "— "  Bethiah,"  said  my 
father,  "is  the  mother  of  three  little  girls. 
Her  husband,  I  trust,  is  becoming  a  religious 
man.  They  are  very  poor,  and  have  hard 
work  to  get  along  in  the  world.  But  Bethiah 
says  there  never  was  a  kinder  husband.  Their 
troubles  seem  to  have  attached  them  more 
closely  to  each  other." — "  And  Absalom," 
said  I,  "  where  is  he  ? " — "  In  the  gall  of  bit 
terness  and  the  bond  of  iniquity,"  replied  my 
poor  father,  with  an  expression  of  the  deepest 
affliction,  while  my  old  mother  covered  her 
face  with  her  hands.  "  For  Heaven's  sake, 
dear  father,"  said  I,  "  what  is  the  matter,  has 
he  committed  any  crime  ?  " — "  Absalom," 
said  he,  in  a  voice,  scarcely  articulate  for  grief, 
"  is  a  DRUNKARD  and  an  INFIDEL  !  While  he 
continued  with  his  sister  and  her  husband,  he 
was  virtuous  and  happy.  After  the  failure,  he 
found  employment  elsewhere  ;  fell  among  evil 
associates,  and  was  ruined.  He  frequented 
the  theatre,  and  other  scenes  of  dissipation, 
and  speedily  acquired  habits  of  tippling.  In 


28  I    AM    AFRAID  94 

a  moment  of  intoxication,  he  was  persuaded  to 
go  to  a  meeting  of  infidels ;  their  doctrines 
were  new  to  him ;  and,  however  monstrous, 
their  very  novelty  excited  an  interest  in  his 
mind  :  he  went  again,  and  again,  and  became 
a  convert.  He  was  not  in  the  habit,  at  this 
period,  of  going  frequently  to  his  sister's  resi 
dence  ;  and  the  mischief  was  accomplished, 
before  I  had  any  knowledge  of  his  evil  conrses. 
At  length,  I  received  a  letter  from  Bethiah  and 
her  husband,  communicating  their  fears.  I  re 
paired  to  the  city,  the  next  day  ;  and,  arriving 
in  the  evening,  I  inquired  for  Absalom,  at  his 
lodgings ;  and  was  informed,  that  he  might 
probably  be  found  at  the  lecture  room.  I 
obtained  directions,  and  repaired  to  the  spot 
without  delay.  I  entered  a  room,  in  which 
was  a  collection  of  males  and  females,  of 
decent  appearance,  and  took  my  seat,  in  a  re 
tired  corner. 

After  a  few  minutes,  I  discovered  my  mis 
guided  son,  and  endeavored  to  keep  myself 
concealed  from  his  observation.  Presently 
the  lecturer  commenced.  He  was  a  tall  man. 


95  THERE    IS    A    GOD  !  29 

with  round  shoulders,  and  very  gray  hair.  I 
should  think  him  over  sixty  years  of  age  ;  his 
face  was  florid  ;  his  eyes  were  contracted,  down 
cast,  and  expressive  of  cunning  and  duplicity. 
I  should  not  have  been  willing  to  trust  any  man, 
who  had  so  much  the  appearance  of  a  knave. 
But  what  was  my  horror,  when  this  gray-head 
ed  castaway  threw  the  volume  .of  eternal  life 
across  the  room,  and  pronounced  God's  holy 
word  no  better  than  a  lie !  What  were  my 
emotions,  when  I  beheld  this  poor  miserable 
wretch,  tottering,  as  it  were,  upon  the  brink  of 
the  grave,  abusing  the  lamp  of  reason,  by  em 
ploying  it  to  mislead  his  fellow -creatures  to 
destruction  ;  prostituting  the  highest  gift  of 
God,  to  prove,  that  there  is  no  God !  At 
length  this  hoary-headed  scoundrel  exhausted 
his  stock  of  sacrilege  and  folly,  and  resumed 
his  seat.  The  meeting  broke  up  ;  and,  keeping 
my  eye  upon  my  wretched  boy,  I  followed  his 
steps  into  the  street.  He  turned  into  a  dram 
shop,  in  the  neighborhood  of  the  pandemonium 
from  which  he  had  so  lately  descended.  I 
saw  him,  while  my  eyes  wept  tears  of  anguish, 


30  I    AM    AFRAID 

pour  tne  accursed  poison  down  his  throat.  I 
forbore  to  interrupt  his  orgies,  in  their  present 
stage  ;  I  determined,  agonizing  as  it  might  be 
to  a  father's  heart,  to  observe  his  progress. 
In  a  short  time,  he  sallied  forth  ;  and  again  I 
followed  his  steps. 

After  winding  through  several  streets,  he 
associated  himself  with  an  abandoned  woman, 
who  was  strolling  purposely  alone  ;  and  they 
repaired,  arm  in  arm,  to  another  dram  shop,  of 
a  more  genteel  description.  They  passed  into 
a  recess,  provided  with  curtains  for  conceal 
ment.  I  stood,  at  a  little  distance  from  the 
door,  and  in  a  short  time,  I  saw  a  servant  con 
veying  liquors  and  refreshments  to  the  recess, 
and  closing  the  curtains,  as  he  retired. — Now, 
thought  I,  is  my  time  ; — I  passed  into  the 
shop,  and,  taking  up  a  light,  proceeded  to  the 
spot,  and  drawing  back  the  curtain,  held  the 
light  before  my  face. — This  child  of  sin  was 
perfectly  thunderstruck  :  at  first,  he  attempted 
to  escape  ;  but  I  held  him  firmly  by  the  arm. 
His  vile  companion,  and  a  brazen-faced  Jeze 
bel  she  was,  had  already  fled.  Absalom,  said 


97  THERE    IS    A    GOD  !  31 

I,  as  I  relinquished  my  hold,  and  took  my  seat 
before  him,  do  you  not  believe  there  is  a  God  ? 
— No — was  the  reply,  in  a  voice  of  drunken 
desperation  ! — Father  of  mercy,  I  exclaimed, 
has  it  come  to  this  !  and  looking,  for  an  instant, 
at  his  feverish  face  and  bloodshot  eye,  and 
contrasting  the  object  before  me,  with  the 
treasured  recollections  of  my  happy  boy,  I 
buried  my  face  in  my  hands,  and  sobbed 
aloud. — When  I  raised  my  head,  he  had  gone. 
— Inquiries  were  repeatedly  made  at  his  board 
ing  house,  but  in  vain.  It  was  solemnly  affirm 
ed,  that  he  had  not  returned  there.  I  have 
never  seen  him  from  that  hour. — But  all  this 
comes  not  from  the  ground.  I  am  blessed  be 
yond  my  deserts.  Bethiah  is  happy,  in  her 
poverty  ;  and  her  husband  is  becoming  a  bet 
ter  man  for  a  better  world  ;  your  dear  mother 
enjoys  a  tolerable  share  of  health ;  my  own 
health  and  strength  are  excellent,  and  I  have 
enough  to  do  ;  and,  to  crown  all,  you,  my  first 
born,  are  alive  and  well,  and  safely  returned  to 
us  again.  And  now,  as  I  see  breakfast  is  near 
ly  ready,  let  us  thank  our  Heavenly  Father  for 


32  I    AM    AFRAID  98 

all  his  blessings,  and  for  the  special  Providence 
of  your  return." 

Farmer  Weeks  exerted  himself  to  find  ac 
commodations  for  his  family,  as  soon  as  possi 
ble  ;  I  paid  off  my  father's  mortgage  ;  and  my 
parents  were  speedily  restored  to  the  old  cot 
tage.  The  tools  were  carefully  collected,  and 
re-placed  in  the  carpenter's  chest ;  and  the 
sign  of  DAVID  JENNINGS,  HOUSEWUIGHT,  was 
returned  once  more  to  its  resting  place,  in  the 
garret.  The  affectionate  respect  of  the  vil 
lagers,  for  my  parents,  was  clearly  manifested,  in 
the  cheerful  congratulations,  and  hearty  shakes 
by  the  hand,  which  met  them  at  every  step  : 
and,  when  my  father  was  in  search  of  a  horse 
cart  to  carry  back  his  furniture,  and  the  rest  of 
his  little  property,  the  neighbors  gathered 
round,  and  took  it,  at  once,  in  their  hands  and 
upon  their  shoulders,  and  the  whole  removal 
was  accomplished  in  half  an  hour.  Skyrocket 
Enoch,  who,  with  all  his  relish  for  the  marvel 
lous,  was  the  most  amiable  mischief  maker  in 
*he  village,  flew,  like  a  shuttlecock,  from  house 
to  house,  breaking  looking  glasses  and  crocke- 


99  THERE    IS    A    GOD  !  33 

ry  ware,  in  the  best  natured  manner  imagin 
able. 

After  my  parents  had  been  resettled  on  the 
homestead,  I  visited  my  sister  and  her  husband 
in  the  city.  I  found  her,  at  lodgings,  up  three 
pairs  of  stairs,  in  an  obscure  but  respectable 
part  of  the  metropolis ;  and,  receiving  a  direc 
tion  to  the  first  door,  on  the  right  hand,  on  the 
upper  landing,  I  proceeded  to  find  rny  way. 
On  reaching  the  door,  I  heard  a  voice,  which 
I  knew,  was  Bethiah's  ; — I  listened  for  a  mo 
ment  ; — she  was  getting  one  of  her  little  ones 
to  sleep,  with  the  same  lullaby,  that  our  good 
mother  had  sung  to  us  all. — I  tapped  at  the 
door ; — she  opened  it  herself  ; — in  an  instant 
we  were  locked  in  each  other's  arms. 

She  was  thin  and  pale,  but  I  did  not  per 
ceive,  that  she  had  lost  any  of  her  beauty. 
Her  fine  light  hair,  and  bright  blue  eyes,  and 
beautiful  teeth,  for  which  she  had  always  been 
remarkable,  still  remained,  like  the  prominent 
points  in  some  interesting  landscape ;  where 
the  woodcapt  hill,  and  the  winding  stream,  and 
the  natural  cascade  are  beautiful  still,  though 


34  I    AM    AFRAID  100 

the  sun  may  have  departed,  and  the'  moon 
alone  may  display  them,  hy  her  paler  lamp. 

"  Brother,"  said  she,  "  look  at  these," 
pointing  to  her  little  children,  her  bright  face 
covered  with  smiles  and  tears,  like  the  soft 
lightning  and  gentle  showers  of  an  August 
evening,  when  the  elements  are  playing  witch- 
work  with  the  western  sky.  Her  first  born 
were  twins  ;  they  were  tottling  about  the  room, 
and  the  baby  was  in  the  cradle.  "  They  are 
lovely  children,"  said  T,  "  but  where  is  your 
husband  ?  " — "  He  is  coming  home  now,"  she 
replied,  "I  see  him  from  the  window." — I 
followed  the  direction  of  her  finger, — I  should 
not  have  known  him.  "  Three  years,"  said 
I,  "  have  altered  hrs  appearance  prodigiously." 
— "Oh,  yes,"  she  replied,  " we  often  laugh 
over  the  recollections  of  our  foolish  dreams. 
We  have  done  \vith  castle-building  in  the  air ; 
and  are  building,  I  trust,  upon  a  better  founda 
tion.  My  husband  is  one  of  the  best  husbands  ; 
he  is  getting  to  be  one  of  the  best  Christians 
also." — I  was  sufficiently  prepared  to  meet 
him  kindly,  when  he  opened  the  door. 


. 

101  THERE    IS    A    GOD  !  35 

Every  thing,  which  had  characterized  his 
person,  three  years  before,  as  the  "  active 
partner,  in  the  firm  of  Bobb  and  "Binnacle" 
had  gone  by  the  board,  as  we  sailors  say. 
lie  was  plainly  but  neatly  dressed;  and  a 
patched  boot  and  rusty  hat,  though  I  noticed 
a  better  one  for  Sunday,  hanging  in  the  corner, 
indicated  an  attention  to  economy.  After  a 
kind  greeting,  we  sat  down  together.  Bethiah 
spread  a  neat  cloth,  on  a  little  pine  table,  and 
was  making  preparations  for  their  frugal  meal. 
— a  Captain  Jennings,"  said  her  husband,  a 
little  of  the  old  leaven  of  pride  mantling  upon 
his  cheek,  "  I  am  afraid  we  can  give  you  noth 
ing  better  than  a  roast  potato,  for  dinner." — 
'-  Now,"  said  I,  "  look  here,  if  you  give  me 
any  other  title  than  Brother  David,  I'll  be  off, 
and  I  want  nothing  better  than  a  roast  potato, 
provided  you've  got  any  salt." — As  I  said  this, 
I  gave  him  a  hearty  shake  by  the  hand. — The 
tear  came  into  his  eye.  "  Excuse  my  weak 
ness,"  said  he,  "  but  I  have  seen  so  much  of 
the  cold  side  of  the  world,  for  some  years, 
that  I  am  scarcely  prepared  for  the  other." 


36  I    AM    AFRAID  102 

We  ate  our  simple  dinner,  with  an  excellent 
relish.  After  it  was  over,  "Now,"-  said  I, 
"  let's  have  a  short  talk.  I  must  go  back,  to 
night.  I  understand  from  Bethiah,  that  you 
have  settled  with  your  creditors,  and  are  earn 
ing  about  three  or  four  hundred  dollars  a  year, 
as  a  clerk  in  a  wholesale  store.  That  will  not 
do.  Cook,  who  has  kept  store  in  the  village, 
for  forty  years,  has  got  old,  and  rich,  and 
wants  to  sell  out ;  now  I  want  to  make  a  tem 
perance  store  of  it ;  and,  if  you  can  be  happy 
in  the  country,  and  are  willing  to  take  it,  I'll 
buy  the  stock  and  stand  for  you :  I've  got  old 
Cook's  terms  and  the  refusal  in  writing." 

Nothing  could  surpass  the  satisfaction,  ex 
pressed  bv  Bethiah  and  her  husband,  at  this 
proposal.  I  returned,  and  closed  the  bargain  ; 
and,  in  less  than  a  fortnight,  Mr.  Bobb  was 
behind  the  counter,  in  full  operation  ;  Bethiah 
was  settled  down  with  our  old  father  and 
mother,  in  the  spot  where  she  was  born ;  her 
twins  were  creeping  over  the  bank  of  violets, 
at  the  back  of  the  house,  where  she  had  crept, 
when  a  child  ;  and  her  baby  was  rocking  in 


103  THERE    IS    A    GOD  !  37 

the  cradle,  which  had  been  occupied,  by  four 
generations. 

The  next  Sabbath,  when  we  were  all  col 
lected  together,  in  the  family  pew,  there  was 
a  general  expression  of  satisfaction,  on  the 
countenances  of  our  friends  and  neighbors : 
and  there  were  tears  in  many  eyes,  when 
Parson  Cooley,  now  threescore  and  ten  years 
of  age,  preached  a  moving  discourse  from  that 
beautiful  passage,  in  the  thirty -seventh  psalm, 
/  have  been  yzung,  and  now  am  old;  yet 
have  I  not  seen  the  righteous  forsaken,  nor 
his  seed  begging  bread. 

About  two  years  after  this  happy  reunion  of 
our  family,  our  excellent  minister  received  a 
letter,  from  a  clergyman  in  the  city,  com 
municating  information,  respecting  my  misera- 
ole  brother.  After  a  career  of  infidelity  and 
intemperance,  he  was,  as  the  writer  supposed, 
upon  his  death  bed,  in  the  last  stages  of  con 
sumption.  The  good  man,  who  sent  this 
information  to  Parson  Cooley,  had  visited  the 
dying  young  man  repeatedly/ and  described 


38  I    AM    AFRAID  104 

his  mind  to  be  in  such  a  state,  that  he  desired 
to  die,  but  for  the  wish  to  live,  that  he  might 
atone  for  his  transgressions.  As  family  re 
semblance  will  sometimes  appear  to  be  lost,  in  a 
present  generation ;  and  return,  with  all  its 
freshness,  in  that  which  succeeds  ;  so  those  re 
ligious  impressions,  which  are  made  upon  the 
youthful  heart,  by  some  faithful  hand,  and  of 
which  no  trace  may  be  seen,  through  a  series 
of  frivolous  years,  will  sometimes  return  to 
sustain  the  tottering  steps  of  one,  who  had 
been  lost  by  the  way  side  ;  and  may  ultimate 
ly  prove  the  means  of  salvation,  through  God's 
boundless  mercy,  in  a  dying  hour. 

It  was  thought  prudent  to  conceal  this  intel 
ligence  from  my  parents,  for  the  present :  andf 
agreeably  to  the  wish  he  had  expressed,  to 
see  some  of  the  family,  before  he  died,  I  im 
mediately  set  forth  upon  this  melancholy  em 
bassy. 

I  reached  the  wretched  hovel,  to  which  I 
had  been  directed,  as  speedily  as  possible.  I 
did  not  disclose  my  name  to  the  miserable 


105  THERE    IS    A    GOD  !  39 

object,  who  came  to  the  door,  but  simply  in 
quired,  if  Absalom  Jennings  was  there,  and 
how  he  was.  The  old  woman,  who  let  me  in, 
answered,  that  the  doctor,  whom  the  clergy 
man  had  sent  there,  thought  he  could  not  live 
long.  She  added  that  the  leader  of  the  Free 
thinkers  had  never  visited  him,  during  his  sick 
ness,  which  had  continued  several  weeks ;  but 
that  several  of  the  followers  had  been  there  ; 
and  that  two  of  them  were  then  up  stairs. — 
I  passed  up  a  narrow  stairway,  and  arrived  at 
a  little  apartment,  the  door  of  which  was  part 
ly  open.  I  listened,  for  a  moment,  to  the 
closing  words  of  a  conversation,  between  these 
emissaries  of  Satan,  these  devils  incarnate, 
upon  earth,  and  my  dying  brother. — "  Well, 
Jennings,"  said  one  of  them,  "  out  with  it,  what 
do  you  think  now,  do  you  believe  there  is  a 
God  ?" — I  heard  nothingbut  a  deep  groan,which 
went  to  my  heart. — "Come,"  said  the  other, 
"  speak  out,  if  you  believe  there  is  a  God,  we 
won't  come  here  again." — "  Johnson,"  said  my 
poor  brother,  in  a  voice  of  bitter  anguish,  and  in 


40  I    AM    AFRAID  106 

words,  which  were  uttered,  as  if  they  came 
from  the  bottom  of  his  soul ;  and,  I  am  sure,  they 
went  to  the  bottom  of  mine,  "  I  am  afraid  there 
is  a  God  !  " — These  demons  in  human  shape 
rose  to  leave  the  apartment.  As  they  passed 
near  me, — "  Never  set  your  cloven  feet  again," 
said  I  in  a  whisper,  "within  the  chamber  of 
this  dying  sinner." — "  Why  what  business  is 
it  of  yours?"  said  one  of  them.  To  avoid 
confusion  in  such  a  place,  I  followed  him 
quietly  down  stairs,  and  taking  him  by  the 
shoulder,  "  This  wretched  young  man,"  said 
I,  "  is  the  son  of  my  father  and  my  mother: 
enter  his  apartment  again,  and,  if  you  do  not 
believe  in  God,  I  will  give  you  good  reason  to 
believe  in  man,  for  I  will  break  every  bone  in 
your  skin." 

They  walked  off,  in  evident  alarm  ;  and  I 
returned  to  the  apartment.  I  crept  softly  to 
the  chamber.  I  saw,  upon  a  miserable  pallet, 
a  pale  emaciated  man,  whose  eyes  were  shut, 
and  whose  features  I  studied  attentively,  for 
some  time,  before  I  could  discover  enough  to 


J07  THERE    IS    A    GOD  I  4l 

satisfy  me,  that  I  beheld  the  wreck  of  a  ruined 
brother.  Nothing  remained  of  the  full  fea 
tures,  the  smooth  forehead,  the  prominent 
black  eye,  or  the  ruddy  complexion.  The 
features,  and  especially  the  nose  and  cheek 
bones,  were  sharpened  in  a  remarkable  man 
ner  ;  the  forehead  was  checkered  by  the  sig 
net  of  premature  old  age  ;  the  face  had  all  the 
paleness  of  a  corpse  ;  and  the  eye,  which  was 
still  closed,  appeared  deeply  sunken  beneath 
the  projecting  eyebrows. — I  approached  close 
ly  to  the  bed. — "Absalom,"  said  I; — He 
opened  his  eyes,  and  turned  upon  me  those 
lights,  so  soon  to  be  extinguished  in  the  grave. 
— "Absalom,"  I  repeated,  "  do  you  not  know 
me?" — "Oh,  David,"  he  exclaimed,  "is  it 
you!"  and,  covering  his  face  with  the  bed 
clothes,  he  became  convulsed  with  sorrow* 
"  My  poor  brother !  "  said  I,  for  my  heart 
yearned  towards  him,  as  I  sat  down  beside 
him,  on  the  pallet  of  straw,  and  took  his  long, 
lean  hand  in  my  own. — "Oh  David/*  said 
he,  "  can  you  love  me  now  ? "  and  he  drew  my 
4* 


42  I   AM   AFRAID  108 

hand  to  his  parched  lips,  and  bathed  it  in 
tears. 

I  sent  for  the  physician,  who  positively  for 
bade  his  beirtg  moved,  as  I  had  wished,  into 
better  lodgings.  I  therefore  made  the  best 
arrangement,  in  my  power,  for  his  comfort, 
and  prepared  to  remain  with  him,  during  the 
night.  He  appeared  to  be  overwhelmed  with 
a  grateful  sense  of  this  trifling  act  of  human 
ity.  The  strongest  wish  of  his  heart,  which 
he  frequently  repeated,  was  the  desire  of  see 
ing  his  father,  and  asking  his  forgiveness.  I 
accordingly  despatched  a  messenger  to  Parson 
Cooley,  requesting  him  to  open  the  matter  to 
my  father,  and  come  to  the  city  with  him,  as 
soon  as  he  conveniently  could. 

They  arrived  before  noon,  on  the  following 
day.  The  interview  was  very  distressing. 
My  poor  old  father  no  sooner  entered  the 
room,  than  this  wretched  young  man,  by  an 
unexpected  and  extraordinary  effort,  got  out 
of  his  bed,  and,  upon  his  hands  and  knees,  for 
he  could  not  walk,  crawled  to  his  feet  and  ex 
claimed,  "  Father,  forgive  me,  before  I  die." 


109  THERE    IS    A    GOD  !  43 

My  father  was  greatly  shocked  by  his  appear 
ance  ;  and  the  exertion  undoubtedly  shortened 
the  period  of  my  poor  brother's  existence. 

After  taking  a  little  nourishment,  he  appear 
ed  so  much  better,  that  I  felt  almost  inclined 
to  think  he  might  recover :  but  it  was  only  the 
flashing  and  flickering  of  life's  lamp,  before  it 
is  extinguished  forever. 

During  this  interval  he  begged  his  father 
and  Parson  Cooley  to  sit  near  him.  "  Do 
you  not  trace  all  your  misery  to  the  use  of 
ardent  spirit,  Absalom  ?  "  said  the  good  minis 
ter. — "  No  sir,"  he  replied, .  "  I  never  drank 
any,  till  about  eighteen  months  ago,  but  I  be 
came  extremely  fond  of  wine ;  and  the  first 
time,  that  I  went  to  an  Infidel  meeting,  I  was 
intoxicated  with  wine,  which  I  drank  at  the 
bars  of  the  theatre.  When  I  could  no  longer 
obtain  wine,  as  the  means  of  intoxication,  I  re 
sorted  to  ardent  spirit,  because  it  was  cheaper ; 
and  finally  the  fatal  relish  for  ardent  spirit 
destroyed  my  taste,  in  a  great  measure,  for 
milder  stimulants.  Intoxication  drove  me  to 


44  I   AM    AFRAID  110 

the  brothel ;  and  the  doctrines,  taught  at  the 
Infidel  meetings,  justified  my  conduct  in  going 
there.  When  I  became  conscious  of  an  op 
pressive  burthen,  in  the  form  of  crime,  I  was 
delighted  to  be  told,  and  to  be  convinced,  that 
such  things,  as  I  had  thought  sinful,  were 
perfectly  innocent.  The  leader  of  the  Infi 
dels  tried  to  produce  this  conviction  on  my 
mind ;  I  was  desirous  of  being  convinced ; 
and,  at  length,  I  mistook  the  desire  to  be  con 
vinced  for  the  conviction  itself." — After  a 
short  pause,  he  continued  as  follows ;  "  A  man, 
who  has  committed  theft,  would  be  glad  to 
believe,  that  there  was  no  judge  on  earth  ;  for 
then  he  could  not  be  tried  here ;  and  a  man, 
who  has  committed  all  sorts  of  crimes,  would 
be  glad  to  believe,  that  there  is  no  God  in 
heaven  ;  for  then  he  could  not  be  tried  here^ 
after,  and  to  him  the  JUDGMENT  never  cometh. 
In  my  hours  of  intoxication  I  was  more  than 
ever  disposed  to  justify  the  doctrines  of  infideU 
ity ;  and,  when  listening  to  lectures  upon 
infidelity,  I  was  the  more  ready  to  justify  the 


Ill  THERE    IS    A    GOD  !  45 

practice  of  intoxication,  and  of  all  other  crimes. 
1  believe  the  leader,  who  lectures  upon  infi 
delity,  to  be  an  unprincipled  villain,  and  that 
he  preaches  these  doctrines,  because  they  are 
so  much  more  comforting  to  a  hoary  headed 
impenitent  wretch,  than  the  doctrines  of  the 
cross.  May  God  of  his  infinite  goodness  for 
give  me  my  offences,  and  an  abandoned  and 
profligate  old  man  for  leading  me  to  destruc 
tion." 

The  whole  of  his  physical  and  intellectual 
power  appeared  to  be  exhausted,  by  this  last 
effort.  He  dropped  his  head  on  one  side,  and 
there  followed  a  slight  convulsion. — I  went 
instantly  to  his  bedside  ; — his  eyes  were  glazed  ; 
— he  was  fast  locked  in  the  arms  of  death  y — 
the  spirit  of  the  penitent  infidel  had  fled. 

Our  good  minister  supported  my  old  father 
from  the  apartment.  By  my  advice,  they 
returned  immediately  home.  In  due  time,  the 
earth  received  its  tribute;  and  I  returned  to 
the  village. 

It  was  a  remarkable  coincidence,  that  on 


46  I    AM    AFRAID  112 

the  very  next  Sabbath,  in  reading  the  scrip 
tures,  Parson  Cooley  opened  to  the  eighteenth 
chapter  of  the  second  book  of  Samuel ;  and 
when  he  pronounced  the  words  of  David's 
lamentation,  in  the  concluding  verse,  a  Oh,  my 
son,  Absalom, -my  son,"  the  good  old  clergy 
man  could  scarcely  speak  for  his  emotion. 

Time,  though  it  cannot  obliterate  the  recol 
lection  of  such  misery  as  this,  has  already 
mitigated  our  affliction. — My  parents  are  still 
living,  at  a  good  old  age.  Their  chief  em 
ployment  is  a  cheerful  preparation  for  death. 
My  sister  and  her  husband,  with  their  flock  of 
little  ones,  are  prosperous  and  happy. 

I  sometimes  encounter  an  individual,  per 
haps  the  member  of  some  temperance  society, 
who  scrupulously  abstains  from  ardent  spirit, 
under  its  specific  name  ;  but  who  is  eminently 
qualified,  not  only  for  the  commission  of  folly, 
but  for  the  perpetration  of  crime,  by  the  employ 
ment  of  some  milder  stimulant :  upon  such 
occasions,  the  declaration  of  my  unhappy 
brother,  on  his  death  bed,  comes  forcibly  he«< 


113  THERE    IS    A    GOD  !  47 

fore  me ;  the  use  of  wine  alone  brought  him 
to  infidelity  and  ruin  ! 

I  never  meet  an  individual,  who  does  not 
believe)  that  there  is  a  God,  but  who  cannot, 
by  any  human  possibility,  know  that  there  is  not, 
without  a  vivid  and  painful  recollection  of  the 
life  and  death  of  this  wretched  young  man. 
The  dying  words  of  a  poor  penitent  Infidel, 
can  never  be  forgotten,  "  /  am  afraid  there  is 
a  God!" 


(U3  It  is  not  the  intention  of  the  writer  and  publish 
ers  of  the  Temperance  Tales,  to  press  them  upon  the 
community  any  farther  nor  any  faster,  than  may  b« 
agreeable  to  the  public  taste.  Of  this  they  can  pre 
tend  to  judge,  in  no  other  way,  than  by  the  continuing 
demand. — Number  One  was  an  experiment. — A  tract, 
purely  argumentative,  logically  contrived,  correct  in 
its  premises,  irresistible  in  its  conclusions,  is  admirably 
calculated  for  the  righteous  :  sinners  unfortunately 
will  seldom  read  it. 

The  fifteenth  edition  of  Number  One,  and  the 
fourth  edition  of  Number  Two  are  now  before  the 
world.  Upon  the  strength  of  this  practical  expression 
of  public  sentiment,  Number  Three  is  sent  abroad,  to 
«eek  its  fortune. — If  its  success  shall  justify  the  opin 
ion,  that  the  public  are  not  weary  of  the  series,  Num- 
oer  Four  will  appear  in  due  time,  under  the  title  of 
4<  A  SECTARIAN  THING." 


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Number  One?  of  this  series  of  TEMPERANCE 

TALES,  is  entitled,   "My  MOTHER'S  GOLD  RING," 

and  is  sold  at  6  cents  for  the  single  copy,  50  cents  per  doz.  rp- 

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Number  Two  is  entitled,  "  WILD  DICK  AND  GOOD  \=£ 

LITTLE  ROBIN."    Price,  8  cents  single,  62£  cents  per  doz.,  Mm 

$4,  per  hundred.  p 

Number  Three  is  sold  at  10  cents  single  copies,  75  per  [JTf 

doz.,  $4  50  per  Undred.  W 

Copies  of  the  Three  Numbers,  regularly  paged,  are  bound  IF? 
in  one  volume,  and  may  be  had  for  20  cents  single. 

Sold  by  the  publishers,  Ford  and  Damrell,  at  their  Office, 

in  Wilson's  lane,  Boston,  and  by  Booksellers  generally.  f 

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